Autumn. In the Five Elements of Chinese Medicine Autumn is Metal. The emotion of Metal is grief. And Metal season is upon us once again. This year provides so many obstacles. So much to grieve for. The political climate, the racial injustices, social distancing, isolation, businesses closing, no live music, no gatherings, no weddings or funerals. I mean, I could go on and on. I have embraced this time as I have worked my entire life, since i was 16 years old. Having time off and enjoying being with me was wonderful for a short time. It afforded me time to get addicted to social media where an old grief that I had believed I had processed has been triggered yet again. So I thought what a great opportunity to let you walk with me as I process it even deeper.
Many of you know I grew up in very dogmatic religious family. I struggled with my spirituality for years and years. This is how it started…..I asked too many questions. My forehead, eyes and nose combination should have been a warning for my parents! If only they had known Face Reading it would have been so much easier for them to parent me! I could not understand some of the teachings at our church with what I saw on television and then later as a lover of history my confusion grew even further. Fast forward to being forced to go to a religious university and it got even worse for me! I asked way to many questions! I was often called to the halls of the Bible proffesor’s. I stayed in trouble in that little hallway. One little man with a bow tie asked me a question that would torture me for years, Why can’t you just have faith? Why can’t you answer the questions, I asked him. And so a standoff. But, I wondered.
Why couldn’t I? Why coulnd’t I jus tbelieve what they were telling me? They believed it, most of the other students believed it, my family believed it. I just couldn’t answer that question. I had this knowing in my soul that what I was being taught wasn’t true. At least for me. I knew I had a powerful voice. I knew I was meant to be so much more than a mother and housewife. I knew their was a purpose for my life. And have been searching for it since I was around 12 years old. As I have shared with you the last 4 years of my life I have been catapulted back onto my spiritaul path in a heightened sense of urgency. As I face these long held griefs in my body they are being made manifest in injuries and aches and pains in my body. The lines on my face, the coloring showing up on my skin. Grief often shows up in the cheek area on the face. And emotional blockages will eventually manifest in your body. As I was studying my face one morning as i do every day, I saw a valley on my lower cheeks appearing. Later that week I fell and twisted my ankle severely, I had some lymph nodes blocked in my right breast causing severe pain. I also had severe digestive issues(not even lying to you, your poop and pooping habits give you literally a shit ton of information about what is going on emotionally!) All physical manifestations from emotional blockages. I knew I had to delve in deeper and heal some very old wounds. So I had a conversation with my parents about some beliefs I had around my worth that I am healing from this trigger i was getting from social media. We talked for a while about my feeling attached to some things that happened and things I was taught. My mom always apologizing for being bad parents. I tell her every time, You were not bad parents! You did the best you could with what you knew then. I love you so much but your feeling guitly will not deter me from healing this. In fact, I am doing it for you too. She said something so profound that I have been pondering since that conversation. We didn’t know what to do with you. You were so smart and we didn’t know how to control you. Whoa. AHA moment.
I have believed my entire life that I was unworthy. I use this word so often I am officially banning it from my vocabulary. I have manifested life situations, friendships, relationships, churches, jobs, EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE that prove how unworthy I am. You see, I was criticized as a child(my hooded eyes, they guard me) and I was highly indoctrinated with religious dogma so I was heavily influenced(my wispy hairline) by others beliefs until I understood my true nature. I have studied and studied religion, every denomination, I even studied Hebrew trying to find out what in the world was wrong with me! Here is the thing, everything is a mirror for you. Every manifestation you have. If you love, you see love. If you hate, you see hate. I believed I was unworthy and look at me….I proved myself right yet again!
It wasn’t until I fully understood Face Reading and how my beliefs manifested this life that I began to discover I am perfect. In every way. I WAS created for a purpose. My life was meant to have a spiritual meaning. I do have faith. As I let go of the grief of this I am able to see my face change. I accept I research things, I study history books and translations to see how language has been used as a tool. It allows me the freedom to know All is well with me. If I embrace who I was created to be. The face that stares back at me is so beautiful. And now, I have released another layer of grief and so my face will change again. As my hair grows longer around my face and my chin becomes wider, set in the beliefs I have still understanding with this forehead I will always be learning. I see how worthy I am. As I peel the layers and go back to my original face, the face I was born with I feel so secure in who I am.
Metal season is a time for self reflection and for processing and releasing your grief. We are never done. Never done growing, learning, healing. There is always another layer. For when we are done alas it will be time to go. Leaving these shells we have that our magnificent creator gifted for us to use to guide us on our journey. The map to guide us written directly on our face.
This is only a small taste of the collection of books I have been studying for 30 years!